friendship breakup
July 7th, 2024
When I went to New York a couple weeks ago I got a touch up for my chest tattoo. I was talking to mia and I talked about how I was growing frustrated with my friends because I didn’t see a lot of things eye to eye with them.
I told her the same things I’ve written about before. Like how I don’t understand how people can accept mediocrity and can be ok with being complacent. I don’t remember her exact wording but she told me to some people that is the extent of their dreams. To just live comfortably with what they have. That some people just don’t have the desire like us to go out and explore everything the world has to offer. They’re ok with the medicore.
I sort of knew this already but hearing her reassured my thoughts. It also allowed me to lessen my resentment towards people with this sentiment.
I told her I’ve been fizzling out with a friend group. She told me that we shouldn’t keep people around who don’t add any value to our lives. That if they are only bringing negativity into your life they aren’t worth keeping around since it does no good to you.
It felt good to voice how I’ve been feeling. It’s like I’ve known all the answers to my concerns but speaking them out and having someone reassure me really cemented and solidified my thoughts. I know the steps I had to take it was just working up to actually do them.
I took this conversation and everything I gained from it back home with me. I couldn’t stand the group anymore. All the things I had felt piled up and I finally realized that the negative overwhelmingly outweighed the positives. There just wasn’t a point for me to keep these people close to me anymore.
I had made my efforts to try and hold the group together but no one was responding. I offered them so many opportunities to come and hangout and try new stuff with me. But most of them didn’t want to. I was investing my efforts and was getting nothing in return so it felt pointless. After a certain point of me trying to maintain this bond and connection with them I just stopped. Over time I realized that they didn’t seem too interested anymore and we weren’t much of a priority. That they only really spoke when there was drama.
I realized that what they prioritized was more so the superficial. Things like relationships and gossip. I just felt like I couldn’t relate to them at any level. Like I was just at a completely different stage of life. To me I couldn’t entertain those sort of things because I was so hyperfocused on the realities of life. I was worried about my future and whether or not I would find a job anytime soon. I was worried about working to pay off my credit card and to build my savings. I felt like I didn’t time to sit there and worry about relationship problems.
I’m at a pivotal moment in my life and all of this was just serving at extra noise and distractions. And I realize this might be my ego talking. But how can I be 23 years old post grad feeding into this mess? Who cares when you have real issues to worry about? It’s like they never faced real adversity in their life because that’s when most people realize that the superficial doesn’t matter. Can you really worry about these kinds of things when your struggling to pay bills or your mental health is dwindling?
This isn’t to discredit any of their struggles either but it just shows their misalignment of priorities.
The group was also toxic. Every mistake you’ve ever made or any past relationships you had are held against you and you are constantly ridiculed over them. Jokes are constantly made at the expense of other people’s feelings which just set ongoing arguments over and over again. Everything is seen as a targeted attack towards someone and taken to heart. You shouldn’t feel like you have to continuesly walk on eggshells when you talk to people you consider your friends. I could avoid all of these and yet still I would be personally attacked because they just could not comprehend that someone could make a joke without it being a personal attack.
For me I had learned a long time ago that you should never make things personal because at the end of the day both parties just end up being hurt. And also at the situation is never even that serious to begin with. It’s so toxic to have this way of thinking that you should one up the other person so you can look better. Not a lot accountability is taken and it’s a lot of deflecting and projecting which again just breeds a toxic environment.
I also feel as if you shouldn’t even have a wrap sheet of all the negative things of your friends. You shouldn’t have bottled up hatred that you spew out once you guys have a disagreement. If I were to get in a argument with my friend I wouldn’t start talking shit to them about something completely unrelated. Like if someone said something that upset me I wouldn’t bring up something about their ex leaving them. (random example but things of that nature)
The most crazy thing is that I’m not upset that it happens to me specifically but because these patterns of behavior even exist at all. I couldn’t deal with the whining and constant complaining. Too much reminiscing, not enough doing and living in the moment.
They weren’t offering much to me and I didn’t have anything else to offer to them. They’ve served their purpose for me and were there for a period of my life that I’ve moved on from. But I’ve outgrown them and sadly it seems like some of them don’t align with me anymore. The pieces don’t fit together as well as they used to and that’s ok. Relationships change all the time it’s really just a part of life. By no means do I have animosity towards them but the frustrations were overwhelming. I really do wish them the best but some of them didn’t have a place in my life anymore.
I saw Tylen left the groupchat and I told them I had been wanting to leave for awhile too. He said he left because the group was toxic and he wasn’t close to them anyways. I figured hey im the same way and left.
I’ll try and keep close to the ones that I do still have a genuine connection with. But for now a lot of noise is finally gone, it feels freeing.
